Darryl Rosen

Do you Master Difficult Conversations?

Do you shy away from difficult conversations? Do you avoid people and situations because you don’t want to deal? Do you avoid returning calls to certain people because you don’t want to deal? Do you change subjects because you don’t want to deal? Do you rely on jokes, sarcasm and snide remarks instead of telling people how you really feel, because you don’t want to deal?

No question about it – difficult conversations are well, difficult.  Why? Because you know going in that opinions will vary, stakes may be high and emotions usually run strong.  Human nature is such that we automatically back away from such conversations. We’ll send an email instead of picking up the phone; leave a voice mail instead of walking down the hall. When we’re at our worst, we yell, we scream, say things we’ll regret or we withdraw.  Blood gets diverted to our organs, less flows to the brain.  We’re under pressure which is why people usually say, “what were you thinking?” after something stupid comes out.

We’ll do anything not to deal.

The problem is that we’re NOT thinking. Blood is diverting away from the brain. Many conversations are spontaneous   and we make up things as we go along.  We’re our own worst enemy!  We’re either silent or we lash out.  We become paralyzed by our fear of telling people what we know they don’t want to hear. In fact, not long ago the NFL’s Arizona Cardinals kept their star receiver out of a game because of the lousy turf at Chicago’s Soldier’s Field.  Here’s how they told him.  Instead of “manning-up”, they took his uniform out of his locker. He was visibly upset remarking to reporters, “They weren’t man enough to tell me!” His coaches are not alone.  Many of us are afraid of “manning up!”

(By the way, I think that the Cardinals benched their all-pro because they felt they didn’t need him to beat the hapless Bears; but that’s a subject for another day.)

Are you guilty of the above?

The reality is that the advance of technology and the increase in the speed of business have been staggering over the last 20 years.  Despite all this innovation, one thing will never change. Those who master interpersonal skills not only are a greater asset in today’s workplace, but also will achieve more success. Mastering difficult conversations plays such an important role. 

Think of all the divorces, families and businesses blown apart and customer relationships destroyed, most because people have a hard time talking to each other. A dynamic I have witnessed firsthand, let me tell you.

Nothing will ever change if we don’t learn to talk to people about deviations and disappointments. Nothing will ever change if we don’t master difficult conversations. Over the next several weeks and months, I will delve into handling and becoming more confident and comfortable in difficult conversations. The next post will cover your mindset and what you should consider before you approach a difficult conversation. 

One thing is sure; the more skilled you become at handling difficult conversations, the closer you will get to a place where your customers do business with you, not because they have to but because they want to.